A little more from the journal I kept in 2010, when I was diagnosed with cancer.
July 8, 2010: Lora and Claudia (Vern's sister Mary's daughter) will be coming in tonight or tomorrow morning. I am so glad they are coming with me to the oncologist. Two women who will be aware as to what Dr. Gerstner says. Angela is here and the four of us went to the Illinois Cancer Center. It's a beautiful complex out off Route 91. We were early and after prelim's - getting into the system - we were ushered up to Pod 4 and then into an examining room to wait for Dr. G. Claudia, who is a nurse, said later that when he walked in, he looked so young, that she wanted to stand up and tell him to go back and get his dad (Coincidentally, his dad is one of the founders of the Cancer Center and recently retired). He asked some questions, pulled up something on the computer and sat at a small desk with his back to me - I was sitting on the exam table, the two daughters/niece were sitting on chairs next to Dr. G's desk. He began a lot of medical jargon, that I was only half aware of. Mary's s-i-l, Denise, - who is also a nurse - had given us a list of questions to ask. Lora and Claudia were writing down what he was saying. Pretty much what he said is that I have Stage 4, small cell cancer. Radiation and surgery are not an option. The type of chemo will be determined after I have a pet scan and MRI this week. He did say it was a slow growing cancer and he suspects it is in other parts of my body.
Claudia told me not to be scared last night and I'm not. I'm resigned, at peace, a little sad because I love my life. I am blessed, my daughters are wonderful. I'd like to have a miracle and stay around for awhile but in my heart I know it's not going to happen.
I feel so bad for people when they find out what's going on. Ed Murray today at Church - there was a Mass for Vern at St. Patricks - was so choked up. Poor Sue was beside herself. I am blessed with the people God has given me to know. Lots of love. Dr. G said to me on Friday because the three were there with me: "Well, it looks like you have a good support system". and one of them answered: "This is nothing, you would not believe her support system!"
About Dr. Gerstner: when he first started talking he was very by the book, facing the computer and looking down but as our meeting progressed he brought his chair closer and closer to me. At the end of the meeting and the questioning from everyone, he was sitting right next to me leaning his elbow on the exam table. Body language tells a lot doesn't it. I like him, I believe we will journey well together.
July 17: At the doctors office on the 9th - which was my 74th birthday ("How did you celebrate your
birthday, Norma?" Oh, I had a grand time I got diagnosed with lung cancer!!!!!) - the staff asked for a picture ID and when I took out my drivers license, I noticed that it expired that day, on Friday, the 9th. Drove to Mass on Sunday, but Monday went nowhere. And Tuesday, I was at the DMV at 8:05. Only cost $5.00. is there a senior discount? While waiting to be photographed, a mom and two sons came in. You could tell by their excitement that the older son was getting his first drivers license and the younger son was thinking this was a pretty cool day too. By the time I was done with the picture, etc. and leaving, he was heading to the car to take the driving portion of the test. I asked the mom, if it was his first time and she answered with a wistful yes. And I noted to her that it was a great day. Weepy moment: I couldn't help but think it is probably my last drivers license.
On the way home I decided to stop at the new HyVee store in Sheridan Village. Very, very nice, and everyone was smiling and friendly - this was opening day. Sue (Sepich) was here when I got home. She had broken down at Church Sunday but today we laughed and talked. This whole cancer thing is really hard on my friends and family
No comments:
Post a Comment