From the journal I kept when I was first diagnosed with cancer
August 1, 2010: The air conditioner died on Thursday. It was put in the house in 1983, so it lasted a long time - just my luck, it ended on my watch. Oh well, there's enough money to pay for it. The new one is to be installed tomorrow.
Thoughts: Today as I was walking into Mass, and walking slow and watching my steps as I am so afraid of falling, I was reminded of how quickly I moved in my youth. I have never been graceful, - Dad said once that I was as graceful as a cow on stilts (why do we remember the unkind things people say?)
I was remembering how when I would be at the grocery store, I would be reaching for one thing, not paying attention or being distracted - thinking about what was next on my list and I would knock something over. It happened enough that I was admonished time and time again by Vern. Of course, the fact that because I didn't drive and he and one, two, three or four kids were with me, often causing chaos MIGHT have added to my carelessness. (I didn't drive until Angela, No. 5, was born)
Anyway, as I sat in Church before Mass started, I began to think about our Faith. As young people, because of pressures and lifestyle, our Church life is stop and starts, moving toward one new experience after another, having some ecclesiastical mishaps along the way. Church is there but - in my case, I was not always present - because of the commotion around me. Believe me, six little girls or variables there of can cause quite a lot of complications. In those days, I rarely missed Mass on Sunday even if I had to hitch a ride or take the kids to Moms. But often I was so brain weary that I wondered why I was there.
Now in old age, my Faith is a straight journey, watching my steps, enjoying being able to pay attention at daily Mass. Relaxed in the Lord and in the Church. I am at peace. I even see distractions as blessings. I realize now, that all of this is our Faith journey. Like going on a trip, the busyness of preparation, trying to make sure everyone else's time is a good one, as women, we put our self on hold and only on the way home do you reflect on the good times you had, even at the time you didn't realize they were good times.
Life, Faith, the journey, how blessed we are. I start chemo on Tuesday, I will persevere! God is good.
Some little incidents to tell: Once when Lora was about four, we were at the Kroger store at Madison Park and instead of staying with us, she was running down aisles to get away from us and pretty soon Alissa joined in, running in the opposite direction. I finally corralled Lora and swatted her on the back side, and a lady, walking by said: "I have always thought that parents who whipped their children should be whipped themselves". (It was only a swat - not a whipping). I never once chastised my children in public in that way again, but I was not above, grabbing their hair and pulling slightly, or grabbing the back of their neck and applying a little pressure when we were at a store - when they needed it - or grabbing their knees and squeezing significantly,when they misbehaved in Church.
Mary, was about two, and we were in Mass at St. Johns, and a classmate at AOL, Jacqueline Perrilles, was sitting next me. Mary was on my lap. Jackie had on a beautiful fur coat and Mary reached out and touched it. She then got Alissa's attention and Alissa went over and touched it too. As I got Alissa to sit back down, Mary got off my lap and got in Jackie's lap and snuggled in and went to sleep. My classmate didn't have children at that time but she good naturedly allowed Mary to enjoy that fur coat - Mary still enjoys them today.
When Maureen was married to Ned Burns, they were at an event and he excitedly grabbed her knee and squeezed it. She told me, that she said to him: "Don't do that, you don't know what memories that brings back and they are not good!" Oh well, life with that crew of six had it's distractions but eventually distractions become reminisces.
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